The beginning........
When Erik and I met he was in a horrible relationship on it's last legs and I was sure that I would never find anyone I could stand being around long enough to even considering being in a relationship with. If I'm completely honest, I was also just out of a undefined relationship with someone I thought I loved and was left and made to watch as he "fell in love." Erik and I met through the very same someone who left me for the "love of his life." While I was attracted to him immediately I was still pining for "someone." Erik says it was love at first sight. Our relationship began immediately following his week long break up and test period to make sure I wasn't a "raging bitch."
We had our honeymoon period and it was amazing. The relationship moved along quickly we were talking about children within the first weeks and the idea of eloping wasn't far behind. We had our problems though and they would generally end up in intense arguments. Unfortunately, those arguments began to occur more and more often until we were fighting every day. They started out as fights about "real" things, things that mattered and made sense to have "heated discussions" about but as the fighting progressed it took less and less to set either of us off. He would feel trapped and I would feel ignored. In the end, "we" (he) decided it would be better to take a break especially after I had a nervous breakdown and ended up in the psych ward (another entry entirely). So we took this break until I "got better" or that was the plan anyway. We didn't exactly stay away from each other during this "break." This back and forth on his part led me to a limbo that I couldn't handle. A situation where I didn't know when I went to bed what my life was going to be when I awoke.
This led to the "confrontation" as I like to refer to it. I forced the situation where we HAD to have the conversation deciding if we would simply end it or if we were actually going to get back together. We had always wanted to "get back together" that was always the plan but now I made him give me guidelines. Goals and time frames to work with. In my head, that was perfect it gave me information and allowed me to work through what we were. And then......
We began fighting again...this was more about needing him and his support and not getting it (mostly because I never communicated that actual need). The not getting it tended to be manifested in him falling asleep in the middle of our conversations. This was something that had happened throughout our relationship and it had always been a problem for me (for what I believe are obvious reasons...). Let me also preface this by saying that the need for him and his support was due to the therapy I was attending in which I was rehashing painful memories of my childhood. BUT we were moving back towards a solid middle ground in fact we went to lunch on a Friday and had an actual discussion where he admitted his falling asleep was something I was allowed to be upset with him about (we'll discuss the fights we would have at a later date). And then....
He was laid off the same day not three hours later. It was difficult for him to handle but I was more than willing to be put off (we had planned on talking about us and where we were going and what I needed after he got off work that day) until the next day considering the situation. Saturday came and I was put off again for supplements and Sunday again this time for a football game. By Monday, we were fighting because I was again feeling ignored and unimportant and he began to actually ignore my phone calls going so far as to turn his phone off. He left town that day...that was six days ago........
No comments:
Post a Comment